The First Hurdle. Self-Love.Jan 01, 2021
What is self-love? What is masculine self-love?
Have a vision of yourself and be congruent with that personThat's why we end up hating ourselves. We have a vision towards who we want to be but we don't plan towards actually being that person and therefore don't change the behaviour that is required to bring about change. People see themselves as honest individuals yet they lie all day long. We see ourselves as healthy eaters yet we eat junk food 3 times a day. We see ourselves as opportunity takers yet ignore change when it comes our way. And while these two opposite behaviours happen in parallel the only thing that really does happen is that we end up hating ourselves. But when we can see that we are starting to behave more like the vision of the person we want to be we start to feel better about ourselves and therefore start to love ourselves more. If you want to love yourself be congruent with the best vision of yourself.
Give yourself creditGive yourself credit for the small steps you make every day. These examples are small not big. Just small. They get overlooked and yet they are so powerful when they are drawn upon and therefore the options are endless. Give yourself credit for having a kind heart. Men are allowed to do this. Give yourself credit for being mistreated and still having love in your heart. Men are allowed to do this. Give yourself credit for choosing to speak your mind when the time is right. Men are allowed to do this. Give yourself credit for choosing to say nothing when the time was right. Men are allowed to do this. Give yourself credit for walking away and for walking into something and dealing with it in the moment, when appropriate. Men are allowed to do this. Give yourself credit for having good thoughts. Men are allowed to do this. Give yourself credit for knowing the difference between right and wrong even though you don't act on it, give yourself credit for that acknowledgement. Men are allowed to do this.
Momentum and Integration
Momentum helps us to believe in ourselves beyond what having good self-esteem and confidence can do. In fact, momentum accelerates self-esteem and confidence. Making tactical wins (small ones) each day can also accelerate this. Think about the things you can do tomorrow that will help to gain momentum. Simple wins. Momentum can only be called momentum if it happens daily.
And then Integrate the win and celebrate it. Give yourself permission to celebrate the win no matter how small it is. As men, we just do not give ourselves the respect we deserve to slow down and celebrate our wins. It's just, go, go go. Integrate the win and integrate the moment into your heart and identify yourself as a man that is in the habit of achieving consistently. CREATE AN INTEGRATION PRACTICE! Give yourself dedicated and isolated time weekly (or even daily) and praise yourself for the win and get ready to re-integrate the same behaviour the next day.
Don't get feedback from the wrong people. Ask people that love you because they can give you visibility about the things you can't see for yourself (or perhaps don't want to hear.....). If you get negative feedback over and over then re-assess. Don't take negative critique personally but rather turn insult into challenge.
Overcome the challenge and move onto the next one. This will increase your self-love dramatically and recalibrate your ego.
Being motivated, driven and having a sense of passion can be governed by priming yourself in the morning. Ask yourself every morning what you can do today to be happy and prime those emotions out loud.
Affirmations = Priming!
You are a man and you have a voice. Do not be scared to use it every day.
Affirmations = Priming!
Affirm to yourself, out loud, every day, who you are and who you want to be. Not what you want to be.
Affirmations = Priming!
Use your voice and connect with yourself and the universe and prime yourself for the day to come.
AFFIRMATIONS = PRIMING!
Love with Vulnerability
Love is beyond everything and anything. But when we add vulnerability to that we run for the hills. Recognise, as a man, that you are unique and so is your vulnerability. Love the things that make you strong and make you unique. Love others with vulnerability in front of you so that they are grateful for you and give you that feedback. This will elevate your self-love and you will start to believe in yourself again. As men we lose sight of this because we can't step into the place we need to be in order to activate this awareness.
Vulnerability can serve you better than harm you and can lead to creativity and change. Men who lead with their Ego’s block the view to their best projected future. Men who lead with Vulnerability can make a lasting impact on themselves and the world around them.
Stepping into your most vulnerable self will give you a platform to live authentically and most importantly transparently. No more hiding behind hidden agendas of fear, self-loathing, self-hatred and self-judgment, which all end up being projections placed on others anyway.
Vulnerability leads to truthfulness coupled with humility and the power derived from living a life governed by your vulnerability and not your ego, will lead to a transformation that you did not think was possible.
Self-acceptance is an innate power that we all have despite how much we kick ourselves daily because of accepting that we are less than what we truly are. This is another weapon of love that we can use in life and when we can invoke acceptance we move beyond any kind of predisposition placed on us by OURSELVES.
Sometimes you have to accept other peoples positions in life without trying to change them. Acceptance is about approval. It's about peace. It is learning to be at peace with what is, even if we don't like it and especially if we can't change it.
Shift your mindset
Don't tie confidence to image. If we do tie these two together then we lessen our sense of self. When we externalise our confidence we invite pain in. Confidence does not come from losing weight or achieving a specific goal, it comes from the process. The progress through the struggle gives confidence and realising that up front can literally set us free.
Confidence should be the belief you have in yourself that you can figure this thing out and that you can achieve your goal.
Demonstrate more love and validation
Give and you will receive. IT'S HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS.
The problem with self-perception
Make sure every single day you have a clear picture of who you want to be! Yes, this was mentioned further up but it can't be said enough.
Start with clarity!
Find the people in your life who give good and constructive feedback and ask them for more of it. This behaviour will welcome a recurring system of mentorship and accountability.
But then you can teach this.
Attract more love
If you want more love then put more love out there.
Overcome doubt and negative beliefs
- Is this thought/worry helpful to my joy and new story?
If you feel horrible or bad when you hold onto a thought then maybe it's time to let go of that thought. Doubts are either about the old stuff or new stuff. If it's not about your new story then drop it. If it is, then at least you have asked the right question and given the right answer so that appropriate action can be taken.
- Will this belief carry me to my desired life?
You ride to your dreams on your beliefs! You have to dream big so make sure your beliefs are aligned to your dreams. Make sure you know what beliefs are necessary to carry you to your dream. Change the frame from fear to joy and the dream gets that much closer.
Is this belief verifiable and fair?It's either real, or it's not. Your internal fears are often not market realities. Know the difference.
Is this situation in my control?If not then let it go. Stop worrying about what you can't control. Remember, that "one person" is not called evidence. This is nothing more than a manifestation of ego based concerns.
What judgement can be released now?Release the "I'm nots"
I'm not capable.....
I'm not deserving.....
I'm not ready.....
I'm not enough......
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